the BEETUS

   A few nights ago I thought I had a blood clot in my leg. I'd had this weird hot pain ... right in the center of my upper thigh, like right where my cell phone rests against my leg in my pocket. I thought that since I have an old  cell phone, the battery had irradiated my leg. I just dealt with it.. until I was taking pictures of my body parts to document pre-op trans stuff. And I got to my legs. The red is psoriasis... and you can see, my legs are not symmetrical any more. Definitely looks swollen. But it's my bad leg so it's also possible the torn ACL & Meniscus are making the kneecap track wrong and that might be doing something to a tendon... [yeah I'll keep telling myself that until I see the NP on Monday!]

   So I looked at this photo, got worried, nearly passed out from anxiety, thought about all these symptoms and got myself to the ER. SEVEN hours and a ultrasound later : I do not have a blood clot. A NINETY dollar co-pay, 16 for an Uber, and you're home finally ... wondering what the hell IS going on. So you look up ALL your symptoms.

   Pretty sure I gave myself diabetes. I can't get in to be seen until Monday next. My doctor is booked solid for 2 weeks! So I have to see Tatiana; the nurse practitioner. I like her, so that's good. Not as much as the Doc but I'll just be glad to be seen. I have blurry spots in my vision, fatigue comes and goes. Frequent urination. And I was thirsty this morning, I am NEVER thirsty unless playing sports in the sun...  so I called the NURSE LINE and talked to this nurse for an hour who, by the way, seemed absolutely fascinated with me. "OH MY GOD really? You played RUGBY? And you raced SLED DOGS? Like in that movie Snow Dogs? Holy cow what an interesting life you have lead!"  I held the phone away from my face and stared at it for a moment. I considered asking her for her phone number. Then I remembered where I was.

     So she told me, this nurse who works for UNITED HEALTH CARE and answers people's questions all day... she told me that I have to keep hydrated. And she gave me a list of things not to eat. I'll be pouring out my half and half (sob!), no more brown sugar on the oatmeal (not needed anyway, really. I just like the taste of brown sugar). But for the most part I have been eating a diet consistent with a diabetic's needs so I just have to modify it a bit more. Trying not to panic but still imagining myself dying not from a street brawl with the Proud Boys in Portland or jumping off a building due to despair but from rationing my insulin. If it comes to that, I will be really fucking mad. After all this lol. But not to future trip. We have no idea what type of beetus I gave myself and we have no idea whether or not Bernie will win and abolish the insurance companies and hold big pharma accountable so maybe that will happen and things will be better. And maybe pigs will fly. Well cars are flying, pigs could be next.