MOHAWKS

   A mohawk is one of my favorite things to spot in the wild. It will catch my eye faster than anything else save maybe a burning dirigible. It wasn't always that way. There was a time when I simply liked them. Wanted to have one but it wasn't imperative. Then I met Izzy.

  Living in San Fran on Oak Street in Lower Haight, a few blocks from the gay Safeway. Can't even recall whose name the apartment was in but I lived there with my girlfriend Pippin. Pip is a whole other tragic story altogether I will attend to later. For now suffice to say Pippin was a mess, I had no idea she was a heroin addict. I had never met one before. Coming to SF from Flagstaff and having only lived in one big city before (Chicago-- but I didn't really get out much) my experience with heroin addicts was nil. So it wasn't as obvious to me as it might have been.

  Pippin had a friend she shot up with. A broken waif named Izabel or Izzy for short. This urchin was 17, had a glorious red mohawk.  She'd ask for a couple of eggs to use the whites to put the hawk up. She'd try anything to use to keep the hawk up. We'd go through the fridge together... man I really liked Izzy. I bought her food, treated her like one of my own. I didn't know about heroin so I had no idea I should not have been giving her  a 20 here and there for food or whatever. I figured she was buying beer! Oh Zed. You are (were) so naive.

  At this time I was a bouncer at a BDSM playhouse. My job was to check everyone at the door. I had to frisk them (oh man. If this job had paid money I'd have never left.), check their bags and smell their breath and check their eyes. No one entered in an (observably) altered state. No one brought booze or drugs in. No one entered without safety equipment germaine to their particular set up. It was tight.

  Once everyone was in and the doors shut; I went to the dungeon and checked all the equipment again, laid out condoms and lube and towels and sanitizing wipes and water and snacks. From that point on, I was dungeon master. As a voyeur, this really satisfied me. Walking around just watching closely, making sure everyone was practicing safe BSDM!  I loved to stand there-- watching-- in my leather outfit, arms crossed, looking quite serious. Scrutinizing. I dare say some of the people participating enjoyed having a stoic audience.

  The thing with me though... is that I never wanted to leave that house. When I did go home I would look lovinging and longingly back at the house as I passed through the gate. I wanted that place with its sweet gay bear owners to be my home. The upstairs was just a homey, comfy gay dude's house. And I adored it.

  At some point I mentioned Izzy to my 'boss'. (I was a volunteer for the play party... in exchange for attending as 'DM'. I got so much joy from watching everyone that I took that gig for free and did it lovingly.)  He suggested I bring her next time. It had not occurred to me... but Pippin was heavy into S&M, Izzy might be too since she is a friend of Pippin's... (Pippin was in Amsterdam at this time). So I ask Izzy.  She agrees!

  The next play party I go and I take Izzy. Izzy stands beside me observing as I do my job. Just standing there. I get done with my duties and clip a leash to her and she goes down on all fours and we go on a tour of the house. Down the stairs to the basement and into the dungeon. People stop what they are doing to see the DM's 'boi'. I was quite proud. The leash and crawling thing were her idea ... I would probably not have chosen that for her to do. But she wanted this. I enjoyed watching her crawl, I enjoyed people watching us.

  That gets old after a while and Izzy asks me if I will do something for ( read: "TO") her.  RECORD SCRATCH!  I panic. She's underage. But this is a private club and Izzy is emancipated. Sweat starts pouring off my brow ... I'm a loyal person. I have never cheated on anyone. Pippin is in Europe. I'm swallowing hard. I ask her what she wants me to do.

  She wants me to carve her name in her arm with my scalpel. (I carried a full BDSM kit around and it had a scalpel in it.)

  From that moment on I am like in a dream. Otherworldly. I can only say that if one wonders what it is like to go to Heaven and float around like a white amorphous being, this was it. All blood drained out of my face and I spent a long time conveying the gravitas of the request to Iz. She had her mind made up.

 As the DM I knew this was allowed. I knew how to and where to. So I did it.
She asked me to make one of the 'Z's bigger and offset a bit, to remember ME by.  (I went by Z only then).  I did the deed. She did not flinch. People gathered around and were silent. It was a community, tribal event. These were all sober adults, and we were all terribly safety conscious and had other's bests interests at heart. So when I think back "Should I have done that to Izzy?"   I like to think it made her day and somehow that helped her. I mean of course I enjoyed it. But I don't really think I should have done it. NO doubt everyone there assumed she was 18. My boss knew she was 17. She was emancipated though...  Now I wonder if she is still even alive and if so... what is she doing and does she tell people about me?

  I kept a close eye on her arm after that and kept it clean. It looked pretty nice the last time I saw her. Which was before I left SF. I liked Iz more than Pippin, but Izzy didn't come around that much in the end. Maybe she sensed the tension between me and Pippin, maybe she knew I was getting irate with Pip and Iz knew it was because of things to do with heroin and I just didn't know it was heroin so Izzy probably felt like she was going to get yelled at if I found out, I don't know.

  So that magnificent Mohawk of Izzy's... that I helped shape and trim and curate... that was my first in depth living with a mohawk tutorial. If you have never sat in a San Francisco alleyway with a pair of clippers in your hand trimming the hair of a 17 year old punk boi who calls you Daddy and follows you around like a puppy dog, I gotta say, it can be titillating.

  No I never tried to sleep with her or kiss her. But she had me on constant edge whenever she was around. She never flirted though. I suspect the cutting scene at the play party was sexual to her. For me it was this intense, bright light in my head while I concentrated on something that I had no idea if it was the right thing but I doubt I could have stopped myself. I'm weak like that.