Wentworth

    What the hell is up with Ferguson? Last 30 seconds of Wentworth we see her in a hoodie standing by a fire barrel in a hobo camp. Like Wentworth didn't have enough trouble this season, without her standing around plotting. Next season should be lit!
    I hate it that I turn to shows for 'companionship' as it's just what everyone else in my family does... but they're not popular like me. I can make friends, they can't. I'm here doing what they do because that's all there has been to do. Now I really want to get out of here but playing the waiting game, back to watching TV and wondering when it will end. I'm just so fatigued and beaten all the time, and lonely and isolated; trying to stay chipper but the thing is I have no one to help me plan anything, no help beyond the occasional suggestion from a friend. K says just one day at a time. DUH, K. I know. It's not easy. I wake at like 6 am and wait for the stupid evil sib to leave at 9 so I can do my thing. Running into her out in the common area (I feel like I am in prison so I'll just start using the nomenclature!) brings me down so hard I just avoid it. She walked by my room this morning was I was exercising. She has honestly no business walking by staring into my room every morning but she does it. I'm standing there looking mean as fuck no doubt (frowning, madly, at the ground. My knee hurts and I'm pissed off about it) and I look up and say WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?   and from now on I'm going to stand there waiting for her to walk by and I'll say the same thing until she stops going that way and goes around. I always go around and never look into her room, that's called courtesy. I hope she got a fucking eye full and I want to take her MuMu or however you spell it and chuck it up her ass. UGLY fucking nightgown I'm sick of staring at for 4 years. I hate ugly people and my sister is ugly as fuck. FUGLY on the inside. that makes the outside uglier. UGLY nasty writhing snake pit on the inside. Ok end of rant.
   I want to be a good person but who the fuck has any role models like that. All mine died , the selfish fucks. UGH. Ok I'll calm down. I'm a good person now, I'm trying. I've been one before, I can be one again. Only this time it won't be a facade. There is not enough love in the world, I have tons, let's learn to give it out instead of giving out anger, ok Zed? Start your morning over, sis is gone... the day is looking good.  Hug yourself you old coot.

  You're fine. You made it this far, good person or bad, now you have , if all goes well, approx. 45 more years to learn how to do and be good.
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   It's the weekend. Most people can't wait for it, I dread it. Sister sits and watches TV all weekend and hogs the kitchen sink. She spends hours at the sink. Washing her bird feeders, or washing her bathroom jars and implements, or cooking, or cleaning cooking pots, she's always at the kitchen sink standing there hogging it every time I go in there to cook.  Who the fuck does that. Gets lost in washing things in the sink. Fucking weirdo.

  She ties up the entire apartment when cleaning because she cleans it like you clean a huge house. All the floors mopped at once. Thanks, sis, I was hoping to have wet floors so I can't use the bathroom OR cook OR do laundry OR leave my room. You're stellar.  I hate her.

  But she did get me an early appointment with my doctor somehow. In a few days. Thank god. My sister is always telling everyone how she knows everything and everyone in the hospital and finally one of her goddam contacts panned out and I got an early appointment. I need my doctor to hear me when I say I need to get on T and I need to go on it yester fucking day. Jesus christ. I need one thing to go right.  Never fucking mind that the fucking physician assistant of his forgot to email me the results of my thyroid test. I'll just fucking endure until I see my closeted gay doc.